🔥 Canadian convict league

🇨🇦 Yasiel Puig is tearing up the Canadian baseball league. The only problem? He might get deported to face jail time in the U.S. The former All-Star hit two home runs in his CBL debut in Toronto. The league, which also poached Fernando Rodney last year, is mostly made up of washed D3 players on the wrong side of 40. But Puig’s side quest to Canada could be short-lived: He’s facing a criminal sentencing hearing in two weeks.

• Puig is being accused of placing bets with an illegal sports gambling operation, racking up $283,000 in debts in the process. He originally pleaded guilty, but (after some better legal advice) he rescinded it. Now, he’s facing jail time for lying to law enforcement in that investigation.
  

• If you’re in Toronto, I recommend getting to Christie Pitts to see him while you can. There’s at least a 50% chance he starts a benches-clearing brawl, and a near 100% chance he takes a local plumber 450 feet to dead center. 

🏀 The Portland Trailblazers could be relocating to…. Kalamazoo, Michigan? If he’s unable to get a new stadium deal, the Trailblazers new owner is reportedly looking to take the team to Austin, Nashville, or Kalamazoo (which feels like a bit of an outlier here). Nothing against Kalamazoo, I’m sure it’s beautiful. But with their current population, you’d need about 10% of residents to go to every game just to fill the stadium. 

⚾️ Kyle Schwarber can’t stop hitting home runs. There are few sights in sports as pretty as Kyle Schwarber hitting balls to the moon. After a string of six homers in five straight games this week, he’s on pace to hit 67 this year. Is that good?

👴 LeBron’s future in LA is up in the air. After the Lakers were swept by OKC, rumours are swirling that LeBron James is either going to jump ship or retire. Apparently, his relationship with the Lakers has been going downhill for some time (he’s not getting enough attention since the Luka trade, I guess). An alternate theory: Dillon Brooks has bullied him into retirement. 

• Who knows, maybe LeBron and Bronny will end up becoming the first father-son duo to retire in the same year. 

⛵️ Ferrari can’t build a winning Formula One car, so it’s taking a crack at speed boats. The Italian car maker has spent the last three years building the fastest boat in the world, which clocks in at around 100 feet and can cover 1,000 nautical miles in 24 hours (which is apparently very fast).

• Ferrari’s goal is to now win the Jules Verne Trophy, which is given to the boat that breaks the non-stop sailing record around the world. The current number to beat is 40 days, 10 hours, 45 minutes. Good luck not getting seasick on a speedboat for 40 days!

💥 Jacob Misorowski and Paul Skenes are making early Cy Young cases. Skenes took a no-hitter into the 7th inning this week, hasn’t walked a batter in over a month, and is running a sub 2.00 ERA for the season (which he’s casually done in every year of his career). Meanwhile, Brewers phenom Jacob Misorowski has struck out 80 batters in 50 innings (it helps to be routinely throwing 103mph). He’s now responsible for 8 of the top 10 fastest pitches ever thrown by a starter.

• Imagine trying to catch up to ten straight 100mph pitches in the 1st inning. I think I'd have to fake an injury.

🏒 The Colorado Avalanche sent Minnesota packing with a very late comeback. The Avs were trailing 3-1 with just three minutes left in the 3rd period, and managed to net two goals in less than two minutes to send the game to overtime (including this absolute beauty from Nathan McKinnon). Not long into OT, Colorado found the back of the net again. 

• MacKinnon (who apparently swims laps in a pool with a snorkel pre-game) has now scored a goal in over 46% of his career playoff games. That’s tied for the third-highest rate in NHL history. Keep up the snorkelling, big guy.

🤦‍♂️ Cal Raleigh has been on an all-time cold streak. It’s been a rough go for last year’s MVP finalist, who went 38 straight at-bats without a hit before finally getting a knock on Tuesday night. Still, Big Dumper’s got the third-worst batting average in MLB, and has seen his OPS drop more than any other hitter in baseball from 2025. 

• For a minute, I thought we might see him break Chris Davis’ record of 54 consecutive at-bats without a hit. That was a joy to watch.

Alright, that’s enough for one Friday.

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