Derby Demons

🍑 Big Dumper puts on a show in the home run derby. Cal Raleigh — whose now-famous nickname does in fact come from his giant ass — took the Home Run Derby crown after hitting 18 dingers in the final round. After the Derby, Big Dumper announced that he’s the new brand ambassador for a local porta potty company. Some business moves just make too much sense. 

• The night’s biggest loser was Jazz Chisholm, who not only failed to hit more than three home runs in the derby, but said after the fact that he was just trying to protect his swing by not putting balls in the air (an all-time cope). Safe to say the internet had a field day.

• Some other highlights included O’Neil Cruz hitting a ball 513 feet, Brett Rooker losing because his homer was less than an inch shorter than Raleigh's, and last but not least, the kid on the field who ignored his one and only job and robbed a home run.

🤦‍♂️ Teddy Bridgewater got suspended from his coaching job for buying players lunch. The former NFL QB was booted from his head coaching gig at Miami Northwestern high school for buying his players post-game meals and paying for some of their Uber rides to practice. Glad the adults in the room got together to get this monster away from the kids.

⛳️ A U.S. Open champion just got banned from a PGA course for breaking a locker. Wyndham Clark has been blacklisted from Oakmont golf course (the club that hosted the U.S. Open last month) because he beat the crap out of a couple of their lockers after a rough round. 

• He’ll apparently be banned until he pays to fix it, makes a donation to charity, and completes anger management training.
  

• Tommy Fleetwood already hosts a group therapy session for angry golfers, we’re sure they have room for one more? 

🍻 Conner McDavid and Leon Drasitl lost a beer league hockey game. Even the Wednesday night Newmarket arena lights were too bright for the Oilers stars. Not only were they both kept off the score sheet, McDavid got robbed twice by a goalie who probably put back six Bud heavy’s before the game.

💵 Johnny Manziel says he would've had to take a pay cut in the NFL he played during the NIL era. Which, if you were around for the Johnny Football days at Texas A&M, is not that hot of a take. If Jayden Daniels can make $2.2 million at LSU, prime Manziel probably could’ve made at least $5 million. 

🤖 Robot umps are coming next year. After getting a test drive in the All Star game, MLB commissioner Rob Manfred says the ball and strike challenge system is expected to be in play next season. We’re about to see some serious umpire ego bruising. 

✈️ The NY Jets go on a spending spree. The NFL’s saddest franchise just made Sauce Gardner the highest paid cornerback in football with a new $120 million deal just days after inking star wide receiver Garrett Wilson to an $130 million extension. We can’t wait to watch them both demand trades after the Jets inevitably go 5-12 next year. 

• There’s clearly only one man who can save this team:

Nine months after being put up for sale, the Minnesota Twins still can’t find a buyer. 

Ballparks are full, TV viewership is up, but MLB clubs are still struggling to catch up to the ridiculous valuations of teams in other leagues.

The Lakers just sold for $10 billion, the Celtics and Commanders each went for around $6 billion, and even smaller market teams like the Charlotte Hornets have fetched $3 billion — $600 million more than the current record for an MLB team sale.

• The Tampa Bay Rays just agreed to be sold for $1.7 billion, which isn’t chump change, but is still less than what the Tampa Bay Lightning sold for last year. 

So why is it happening? There’s two main reasons. 

📺 TV deals. Unlike other leagues that split massive national TV contracts from networks, MLB teams rely on cutting their own deals with local broadcasters. That’s made the team's main source of cash unpredictable at best, especially in smaller markets.

💰 No salary cap. This is the big one. With the Dodgers and Mets spending 600% of what smaller teams do on players (that’s a real number), other team owners never really know what it costs to put a winning team on the field — the main driver of ticket sales, TV viewership and overall profits.

• With the big dogs spending like they have somebody else’s credit card, potential buyers aren’t going to shell out NBA or NFL money for a baseball team that could suddenly cost five times more to field. 

Bottom line: The league will 100% push for a salary cap when the current labour deal expires after next season. Given that most players would probably retire before agreeing to a salary cap, it seems like a lock that baseball is heading for another strike. 

@skins hit this MLB monster right before the All Star break. Must’ve been feeling good to throw 6,500 tokens on this one. Gutty calls always (usually) pay off.

If you’re looking to ride someone else’s parlay coattails, you can now copy other people’s picks on the new Takes Page.

It lets you connect with your crew, drop your hottest takes for everyone to see, and share your picks to prove you're not just talk. Time to show your friends who really runs the group chat. 

Lock in your picks today to get a feature in next week’s edition. 

On this day in 2018, Kawhi Leonard was traded to the Toronto Raptors for franchise favourite DeMar DeRozan. He might’ve only stuck around for a year, but this deal gave the Raps its first and only NBA championship. 

Fun Guy forever.

Alright, that’s enough yelling for one Friday.

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