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Hoosier Daddy
Indiana Hoosiers win the natty, Backup catchers are cashing in on cameo.


Happy Friday. In an unusual move, Manchester City players are reimbursing fans for the tickets they bought to their Champions League match in Norway, which they lost quite miserably. Since it was an away game (and not too many Brits vacation to the Arctic Circle in January), it only ended up costing the players £9,000. That’s less than 2% of what one of their players makes in a week, so we hope they quietly covered their bar tabs as well.
It’s a nice gesture, but if players have to start reimbursing fans for every embarrassing performance, the entire New York Jets roster would be bankrupt by Week 10.
In today’s letter:
The 49ers investigate an Achilles conspiracy theory
Credit card roulette pays off at the Australian Open
MLB has a Dodger problem


🏆 Indiana caps its Cinderella season with a ring. The Indiana Hoosiers took home their first-ever College Football Championship this week, putting the finishing touch on a perfect (and extremely unexpected) 16-0 season.
QB Fernando Mendoza — who looks like his post-meal snack is still goldfish — is now expected to be drafted No. 1 overall by the Las Vegas Raiders. He also updated his LinkedIn profile to add “National Champion’ less than 24 hours after the game. A weirdly urgent move for a guy who really doesn’t have to worry about his next job.
Miami QB Carson Beck — who looks like Steve Buscemi and Syd from Ice Age had a baby — will finally have to enter the NFL draft after six seasons in College. There’s something wrong with the NCAA if a guy can play two more seasons after graduating.
💵 The Dodgers are shelling out $60 million a year to Kyle Tucker. The newest L.A. Dodger will make 89% of the entire Miami Marlins payroll. Including the luxury tax they’ll have to cough up for him, the Dodgers will pay more for Tucker next year than 11 teams’ total payrolls last year. Shocking that owners and fans are calling for a salary cap.
🔋 The 49ers are actually investigating the conspiracy theory around the electrical substation near their practice facility. The team says it’s looking into whether the 49ers’ brutal history of injuries over the past decade is partially the result of being exposed to the electromotive force of the nearby power facility.
Wide receiver Kendrick Bourne already suggested that’s what was going on after tight end George Kittle tore his right Achilles in their recent playoff game.
All of the leading experts have dismissed the theory as nonsense, but when you lose $95 million worth of players in a single season, you’ll look into anything.
🏒 Heated Rivalry is helping sell out NHL arenas. Ticket reseller SeatGeek says the success of the show Heated Rivalry is likely responsible for a 25% jump in NHL ticket sales during the two weeks episodes were rolling out. It’s pretty wild that an erotic TV show about two gay hockey players has done more to grow the sport than the NHL has in the last decade.
That said, there might’ve been some disappointed first-time spectators after they watched a full 60 minutes of hockey and none of the players kissed.
🏈 The Bears came just short of an all-time comeback. On a do-or-die 4th down, Caleb Williams made arguably one of the most impressive Hail Mary throws in NFL history to send this game to OT. Unfortunately, he also threw the game-losing interception 15 minutes later.
The Rams were apparently shoving cayenne pepper in their socks to keep their feet warm. Who knows, maybe well-seasoned feet were the difference in the game.
💰 Tom Brady’s NoBull company just landed a $1 billion valuation. We’re not sure exactly what the company does, but they just signed Livy Dunne as a partner, so that’ll probably help business. It’s good to see Tom starting to make back all the money he lost to FTX.
📉 CJ Stroud just made a compelling case for being the worst quarterback in football. The Texans QB threw four interceptions in the first half of their playoff game against the Patriots (including a pick-six) and finished his night with a passer rating of 28 (league average is 92).
I swear Stroud has been cursed ever since he tried to big brother Caleb Williams last season.
🎾 Nothing motivates you to play your best tennis like a crippling dinner bill. As is tradition, all of the American players at the Australian Open went out for a big dinner, and played credit card roulette to see who had to pay. This year, 21-year-old Ethan Quinn got stuck with the bill.
The dinner was clearly expensive enough to make Quinn really lock in, because the No. 505-ranked player in the world just won his first two matches of the tournament, guaranteeing himself at least a $327,000 payday.
🎥 The Blue Jays back up catcher has somehow made $1.2 million on Cameo. We respect the hustle, but we’re not sure how — at $35 a video — there’s this much demand for personalized Tyler Heineman videos.



Shoutout to @Joshorjohn for hitting our biggest parlay of the week. Betting isn’t a science, but you can never really go wrong taking a bunch of Maple Leafs to not score.

Alright, that’s enough yelling for one Friday.
Got a hotter take? Think we missed something? Want to argue that the Leafs are actually cursed by a 1932 ghost?
Reply to this email, ideally with the subject line “listen here you clown.”
And if this newsletter hits harder than Aaron Donald after a fresh smelling salt, do us a favour:
Forward it to a friend who lives for the group chat debate.









