🔥 Knives out

🏀 Jaylen Brown got shipped out of Boston. Full-time Twitch streamer and part-time Celtics player Jaylen Brown was traded to the Philadelphia 76ers this week for an elderly Paul George (who’s carrying the worst contract in the NBA) and a handful of picks. Given that Brown was coming off the best season of his career, leading a Jayson Tatum-less Celtics team to 56 wins, this feels like one of the most confusing, lopsided deals in recent memory.  

• For Paul George, this adds to his already stellar resume of getting traded for players who are way better than him. In his career, PG has been traded for Shai Gilgeous-Alexander, Victor Oladipo, Domantas Sabonis, Jaylen Brown, and seven first-round picks. The GOAT of getting traded. 

🔪 Josh Naylor is a confirmed psychopath. The Mariners’ first baseman got into a little scuffle this week with his former teammate Austin Hedges (who screamed “nobody likes you, your teammates don’t even like you” at Naylor), which prompted other players to share their thoughts.

• Former MLB outfielder Stone Garrett posted a wild story from when he was teammates with Naylor. Apparently, Josh once hid in his closet with a butcher’s knife, popped out to scare him, and accidentally cut his thumb open.
  

• Garrett said that the nerve in his finger was severed and had to get surgery, while the team hid the whole incident from the media and quietly suspended Naylor for one game. Honestly, if it weren’t for the unfortunate season-ending thumb injury, this would be a pretty good bit. Team bonding is important. 

🥊 Wilson Contreras was really in the mood to fight someone this week. The Red Sox first baseman didn’t take too kindly to pitcher Cade Cavalli telling him to “sit down, boy” after striking him out (which is fair enough) and started a pretty rowdy benches-clearing brawl. This breakdown of the fight is incredible. 

• While the game was still on, Contreras — who clearly hadn’t cooled down much — was on Instagram inviting fans to come fight him at the ballpark.
  

• If only the Scottish soccer fans were still in Boston. They would have taken him up on that offer. 

❄️ Kawhi Leonard is heading back to the Raptors. After seven underwhelming seasons with the Clippers, Kawhi is being traded back to Toronto (the only place that he reportedly agreed to go to). In his seven-year L.A. tenure, Kawhi won fewer playoff series than he did in his one season with Toronto. 

• The Raps coughed up a lot of draft picks, but rumour has it that the Clippers insisted on extra picks in case they get penalized for the Aspiration salary cap investigation.

• If the FBI does end up coming for Kawhi, there are at least 1,000 Canadians who would happily hide him in their basement. I hope he still likes Tim Hortons. 

🏒 The Leafs drafted Gavin McKenna with the No.1 pick in the cringiest possible way. The NHL tried to be cool and have Justin Bieber announce the first pick in the draft, and it ended up being just as corny as you’d expect. Bieber rolled up, put his arm around commissioner Gary Bettman, and said: “Mr. McKenna, we’d like to draft you.” 

• All of the gimmicks aside, Leafs fans are going to love this kid. He’s from the Yukon, his NHL comp is apparently somewhere between Patrick Kane and Nikita Kucherov (pretty good), he’ll get in a bar fight to defend his mom, and he’s not afraid to shoot (Exhibit A: He’s already shooting his shot with the daughter of the Leafs GM, John Chayka). 

⚾️ Dansby Swanson hit two bombs off of his college roommate. All-time bragging rights were won this week after Swanson took his old Vanderbilt teammate and roomie, Walker Buehler, deep twice. Swanson decided to top his afternoon off with a third homer (which happened to be a grand slam). Two of the best feelings in the world: Hitting bombs and embarrassing a close friend in public. Have a day, Dansby.  

🏈 Brendan Sorsby is giving up on playing College football this year. The Texas Tech QB says he will no longer try to play football in 2026 and will focus on getting ready for the 2027 draft. Something tells me there won’t be many teams lining up to pick a gambling addict who hasn’t taken a snap in over a year, but the NFL always finds a way to surprise me with these things (Deshaun Watson and Rashee Rice both still have jobs). 

🧢 We got an unreal play of the week (and an even better misplay). The Phillies’ Derrick Hill made a solid case for catch of the year, while Guardians rookie Cooper Ingle made one of the more embarrassing plays you’ll ever see on a baseball field, costing his team the game.

⚽️ Germany got sent home from the World Cup after four of its players refused to take a penalty kick. The Germans lost to Paraguay after their centre-back Jonathan Tah — who had never taken a penalty kick in his career — was forced to step up with the game on the line after four of his teammates refused to take the shot. Can you imagine four MLB players refusing to pinch-hit in extra innings so the manager has to put in a pitcher to take the at-bat?

• Forget flying home commercial like Uruguay, these guys should’ve had to hitchhike back to Germany without passports.

🇨🇦 In case you were wondering, Yasiel Puig is still terrorizing the Canadian Baseball League. Puig, who seems to have successfully avoided his pending criminal charges for now, just had a three-homer game for the Toronto Maple Leafs (yes, the baseball team is also called the Maple Leafs). Imagine being a starting pitcher in this league — you’re putting up drywall or sitting on Zoom calls from 9-5, and then you show up to the ballpark and give up 900 feet of home runs to former All-Star Yasiel Puig.

Alright, that’s enough for one Friday.

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