🔥 Lottery Leafs

🏒 The Toronto Maple Leafs made one of the most questionable GM hires in NHL history and got rewarded with the No. 1 pick. Only the Leafs would get this kind of dumb luck, but let's start with their new general manager, John Chayka. 

• He was named Phoenix's GM at 26-years old, which is absurd to begin with, and proceeded to run the team into the ground (or at least into Utah). He was fined multiple top draft picks for running illegal player combines, was caught pursuing other NHL jobs while in Phoenix, and then abruptly resigned after ownership confronted him about it. Since then, he’s been running a number of Wendy’s franchises (very similar to running a professional hockey team, I hear).
  

• Fast forward to his introductory press conference with the Leafs, a Toronto reporter asked the team’s president, Keith Pelley, how Chayka was the person he landed on for the job, given that almost everyone he talked to around the league called him a con artist, a liar, or a salesman.

• But sure enough, with only a 8.5% chance of winning the NHL Draft Lottery, the Leafs managed to land the No. 1 pick (which will almost certainly be Penn State’s Gavin McKenna). Not a bad way to get over a rough first day on the job. 

⚽️ Kylian Mbappe, one of the best soccer players in the world, is getting run out of town by a petition. Over 40 million people have signed a petition demanding the French star stop playing for Real Madrid. For reference, that’s more signatures than any human rights petition ever. He must’ve made quite the impression on the Madrid faithful. 

⚾️ Tigers’ pitcher Framber Valdez started throwing at guys because the Red Sox were lighting him up. The Detroit starting pitcher (very intentionally) threw a pitch straight into the back of Boston’s Trevor Story — right after giving up back-to-back home runs and 10 runs in his first three innings. The benches cleared, his own manager basically threw him under the bus after the game, and he was rightfully suspended for six games.

• This is the same guy who intentionally crossed up his catcher last year and pumped a fastball right into his chest for no good reason. And that was his own teammate. Arguably, the last guy any MLB player would want in their locker room.
  

• There was another loser by the name of Gerrit Cole who did something very similar this week. After getting hit around a little bit in his AAA rehab start, the Yankees starter decided to plunk a 20-year-old prospect who was 2-2 off of him in the game. You’d think a former Cy Young winner could take a little ego bruising from a kid half his age, but apparently not. 

👋 The Carolina Hurricanes still haven’t lost in the playoffs. With their win over the Flyers on Thursday night, the Canes are now a perfect 7-0 to start the playoffs, allowing just eight goals over those games. They’re just the third team to go 7-0 in the playoffs in the last 32 years. To be fair, they did get to play the Senators in the first round. 

🏀 The Orlando Magic had one of the NBA’s all-time playoff chokes this week. After getting out to a commanding 3-1 series lead, Orlando completely collapsed in game six, going 45 minutes without making a single basket (that’s not a typo). The team’s 23 straight missed shots were the most by any playoff team this century.

• After that demoralizing loss, they got blown out in game seven and were sent packing to Cancun. Their head coach was fired a day later. Complete choking masterclass. 

🎤 If you need a laugh this morning, watch this absurdly cringey press conference from the OHL’s Barrie Colts. In the post-game presser after winning the championship, players were instructed to answer every question with “Nobody cares, work harder.” The coach, who was the mastermind behind this genius idea, had to apologize a day later on national television.

💥 The Philadelphia 76ers upset the Celtics in a seven-game stunner. Not only were the 76ers heavy underdogs for the series, but they have historically been useless against the Celtics in the playoffs. They have won just three playoff games in Boston from 1983 through game one of this series. This year, they won three games in just 12 days. The team’s series-clinching victory was the most watched game seven in NBA history. 

• Of course, right after they punched their ticket to the next round, 76ers big man Joel Embiid went down with yet another injury. There are guys that are injury prone, there are complete band aids, and then in a tier all by himself is Joel Embiid. In fact, he hasn’t played more than six consecutive games since 2023. Let that sink in for a second. 

🩻 Every year in the NHL playoffs, we find out someone was playing with a freakishly severe injury. This year’s winner was Nikita Zadorov. The Bruins defenceman revealed after their loss to Buffalo that he was playing with a completely torn ACL (aka off the bone). 

• Famously, former Bruins captain Patrice Bergeron played through broken ribs, a punctured lung, and a separated shoulder in the 2013 Stanley Cup Final. Hockey players really are a different breed. 

🏈 Everyone made fun of Dolphins QB Malik Willis for his first pitch at the Marlins game, but they didn’t realize he was absolutely crushing balls in the cages pre-game. Willis’ exit velocity hit 109mph while he was taking batting practice (for context, Aaron Judge’s average in-game exit velo is just over 95mph). To be fair, hitting in the batting cage and in an MLB game is very different. Also, his swing looked more Happy Gilmore-ish

• As for the first pitch… I’d be a little worried about this season if I were a Dolphins fan.

Alright, that’s enough for one Friday.

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