🔥 Meltdown on Ice

🏒 Team USA found another Miracle on Ice moment 46 years later. The men’s Olympic team beat Canada 2-1 in overtime, and if you watched the game, you understand why it’s a miracle they came out on top. The Canadians dominated the time of possession and outshot the Americans 42-28, but when it mattered most, it was Jack Hughes finding the back of the net and Nathan MacKinnon missing a wide-open one. 

• As expected, Canadian fans reacted very rationally to the loss. One particularly upset gentleman who appears to live in a log cabin decided to take a chainsaw to his TV.
  

• Team USA was having a lot more fun, popping bottles in the locker room (with the FBI director for some reason), and flying over to Miami to celebrate at the E11even nightclub. The team reportedly racked up a $150,000 bar bill, which was apparently covered by Pat McAfee (who knows a thing or two about racking up a bar tab).  

🤕 Yankees slugger Giancarlo Stanton says he’s so injured he can’t open a bag of chips, but he’s still somehow planning to play a full season. It’s that classic elbow injury that lets you swing a bat 80mph but runs into serious trouble around a bag of Doritos. In all honesty, it can’t be much of a sacrifice — does this look like a body that eats chips? 

⚾️ The ball-strike challenges are already embarrassing umpires. It’s only spring training, so you’ve got to give everyone some slack, but we had an umpire this week who had five challenges in a row overturned by the new ABS system (including a pitch down the middle). 

• I personally have no problem with umpires embarrassing themselves — they frankly deserve it. I do have a problem with how much these constant challenges are going to slow games down. All of the time that baseball got back from the pitch clock is going to be erased.
  

⛷️ Lindsey Vonn says she almost had to get her leg amputated after her Olympics crash. The American skier said that if it weren’t for an emergency tibia surgery, she would’ve lost her left leg. Knowing her track record, we’ll still see her — at 45 years old — competing in the 2030 Olympics.  

🏈 The NFL rumour mill is already churning out some big names. Kirk Cousins is expected to be released by the Falcons, Anthony Richardson has been told to look for a trade, and the Eagles’ GM said he doesn’t know if A.J. Brown will be back with the team next season (even though he’s under contract). 

• The Jaguars are also getting offers for Brian Thomas Jr., who had an underwhelming sophomore season. The Steelers seem to be the main team circling. 

🚬 A Giants’ spring training game got interrupted after a smoker set off the stadium fire alarm. My guess is a coach took one look at Rafael Devers taking ground balls at first base and decided he needed a cigarette. 

🥊 Floyd Mayweather and Manny Pacquiao are going round two. The two boxers, who have collectively banked $2 billion in career earnings, have somehow run low enough on cash to get back in the ring. The purse from their last fight in 2015 was an absurd $300 million. 

• With both of them pushing 50, let’s just hope they both leave the ring in good enough shape to enjoy their fancy retirement homes.
  

Let the games begin. We’ve got NBA and NHL action in our Pick Six for this week. As always, we’re putting $50 gift cards up for grabs for the winners. Don’t forget to take on a few of the trivia games too, they’re good for you.

Shoutout to @Sivrbakgorilla for nailing this 8-leg same game parlay in the Vegas-L.A. matchup for an absurd 99x win. A couple of picks got cancelled, but when luck's on your side, luck's on your side.  

Check out the full parlay here.

Alright, that’s enough yelling for one Friday.

Got a hotter take? Think we missed something? Want to argue that the Leafs are actually cursed by a 1932 ghost?

Reply to this email, ideally with the subject line “listen here you clown.”

And if this newsletter hits harder than Aaron Donald after a fresh smelling salt, do us a favour:

Forward it to a friend who lives for the group chat debate.