🔥 Scripted Sideline Romances

👩‍❤️‍👨 The NFL is manufacturing all of the quarterback-WAG content. If you were wondering why we’re suddenly being bombarded with videos of professional QBs twirling their girlfriends’ hair on the sidelines of practices, we now have an answer. A league source told Front Office Sports that the viral videos were orchestrated by the NFL as part of a content campaign aimed at engaging more female fans (apparently Taylor Swift wasn’t pulling enough weight).

• The Justin Herbert-Madison Beer and Joe Burrow-Olivia Ponton couples appear to be the new fixation of the NFL’s social media army. It’s not hard to see why: Beer, Ponton, and Jaxson Dart’s girlfriend Marissa Ayers collectively have 17 million more social media followers than the NFL.
  

• I can’t wait to see Jim Harbough’s reaction when the league tells him he has to let Madison on the sideline during games to play with Herbert's hair in between drives. 

😢 Kyle Tucker is playing awful baseball, acting like a baby, and nobody should feel bad for him. The Dodgers’ outfielder, who is making $60 million a season, was seen crying in the dugout in the midst of an 0-26 slump at the plate. He was even benched for a game in LA because of his “frustration playing at home” (he’s hitting .189 with two home runs at Dodger Stadium this year). Imagine taking the day off work because of "frustration working at the office.”  

⛳️ LeBron is now a LeYouTube golfer. The swing may look horrendous, but it’s important for middle-aged men to have hobbies. Anything to get them out of the house. 

Joshua Baez just had the best debut in professional sports history. The St. Louis Cardinals rookie hit three home runs in his first three at-bats in the big leagues, the first time a player has done that in their debut (and probably the last). This is like the equivalent of dropping 80 points in your first NBA game, or throwing for six touchdowns in an NFL debut. Absurd stuff. 

• Unfortunately, baseball has a way of humbling you quickly. Baez is 0-18 since his debut. 

🏈 It’s good to see that Shedeur Sanders is in midseason form. It is the preseason, but NFL quarterbacks should not be floating throws this bad into the middle of the field. Good thing that DeShawn Watson is looking like his old self. What a QB room they've got themselves in Cleveland. 

🧨 PCA started and ended the Cubs-White Sox rivalry game with a bomb. The MVP frontrunner hit a homer in the first and last at-bat of the game, and of course, threw in a bomb in his first at-bat the next day for good measure. Still can’t believe the Mets traded this guy for three months of Javier Baez. 

• White Sox fans seemed to take out their frustrations by starting fights in the bleachers. Not a great look. 

📈 You can now invest in your favourite NHL team on the stock market. An investment firm called Volatility Shares has filed with the SEC to offer ETFs that track the performance of each NHL team, using a benchmark of 55 statistics to measure on-ice performance. 

• It won’t be long until delusional Leafs fans are “investing” their retirement savings on the 2027 season. 

⚾️ We’ve got a catch of the year candidate (and likely winner): I’ve never seen a home run robbery pimped like this. Fernando Tatis Jr. might be back. It didn't hurt that he also hit two home runs to back up his grand slam-robbing catch. Have a day.

📆 It’s now been over a year since Vladimir Guerrero Jr. has hit a regular-season home run in Toronto. He may have hit a few big ones in the playoffs, but the $500 million man has somehow not gone deep at home in over 330 at-bats. File this under stats that sound fake.

🍺 U.S. tennis player Amanda Anisimova was crushing a beer in between sets. By the colour, I’m gonna guess it was a Coors Light or Michelob Ultra. You know, the kind of pint you drink when you’re trying to cut a few pounds (or still have a set of professional tennis to play). Needless to say, she won the match.

🤦 It’s not enough that the Mets are in last place with a $350 million payroll, they also have to employ the cringiest player in the league. Reliever Jefry Yan, who has the stupidest strikeout celebration you could possibly imagine, decided to bust it out early after his catcher challenged the strike three pitch (the call was overturned). The Savannah Bananas GM is probably salivating watching this.

Alright, that’s enough for one Friday.

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