🔥 Tarps off

👕 St. Louis Cardinals fans have started a tarps-off epidemic in baseball. A group of shirtless Division II baseball players took over the right field bleachers at Busch Stadium this week, and after a walkoff win, Cardinals manager Ollie Marmol said he would do whatever it takes to make sure the tarps-off crew was at every game. Sure enough, he bought the whole group tickets for the next game, the section has now been officially dubbed the Tarps off Terrace, and it's been filled with shirtless dudes every game since. 

• Fans across the league — from Tampa Bay to Detroit — have been trying to replicate the tarps off magic (they haven’t quite brought the same energy).
  

• The Cards hit a walkoff homer on Wednesday, and the hero, Ivan Herrera, pointed directly to the shirtless section as he rounded the bases. The players have even started mimicking the tarps off crew in the clubhouse. 

🏒 The Montreal Canadiens’ Game Seven overtime win caused a literal earthquake in the city. A local university in Montreal reported that their sensors registered seismic activity that clocked in at 0.5 on the Richter scale right after the Canadiens netted their OT winner. 

• The Habs were lucky to make it out of the series. After scoring three goals on three shots in game six (completely ridiculous), they gave up seven unanswered goals to Buffalo and were forced into a game seven.
  

• The Canadiens were outplayed for most of game seven, but squeaked their way into overtime. Lucky for Montreal fans, they were on the right side of this classic.

⛳️ Aaron Rai took home the PGA Championship. If anyone bet on this, congrats on your new private jet. Rai’s odds to win the tournament were +17500. That’s a less likely outcome than the Las Vegas Raiders winning the Super Bowl this year, the St. Louis Cardinals winning the World Series (even with their tarps off morale boost), or Malik Willis winning the MVP. 

🏀 The Knicks pulled off one of the wildest comebacks in NBA history. With 7:40 left in the 4th quarter, the Cavs were beating the Knicks by 22 points. New York went on to score 44 of the game’s final 55 points to force overtime (the most lopsided scoring run in 20 years).

• Their win probability at one point in the game was 0.1%. I think the Cavs should be forced to forfeit the rest of the series. There’s no coming back from that. 

👖 Tom Brady was a model in a Gucci fashion show this week. We need Pablo Torre to do an investigation into which plastic surgeon did this to Tom’s face. Seriously, he looks like Jim Carrey from The Mask if he had a baby with Jennifer Coolidge.  

🎙️ Pete Crow-Armstrong was caught on a hot mic ruthlessly chirping a White Sox fan. The Cubs star was heard telling a White Sox fan (who was apparently at the game for her bachelorette party) to do something to him that I won't repeat in this family-friendly newsletter. You can watch the video if you’re curious. 

• All you need to know is that it was bad enough that MLB fined him for it. Cubs fans obviously couldn’t be prouder.

👋 Known good guy Rashee Rice is heading to jail. The Chiefs’ wide receiver has been sentenced to 30 days in prison for violating his parole by smoking weed. Sounds like he’ll miss a bit of training camp, but if history is any indication, his teammates will be wearing “Free Rashee” shirts to support him.  

• In case you need a refresher as to why he was on parole, Rice nearly killed four people drag racing his Lamborghini, caused a six-car pile-up, and then fled the scene. He was also sued by his ex-girlfriend for allegedly assaulting her over an 18-month span, including while she was pregnant. A real stand-up guy.

⚾️ The A’s JT Ginn went into the 9th inning with a no-hitter. Six pitches later, he gave up a walk-off home run. This is one of the cruellest turns of events I've ever seen on a baseball field. It probably stung a little extra because it was the Angels.

🐓 Dodgers closer Edwin Diaz accidentally confessed in an interview to running illegal cockfights. Diaz expressed how grateful he was that chicken fights were legal in his home country of Puerto Rico. The only problem? They’ve actually been illegal in the country since 2020. Now, he’s at the centre of a cockfighting scandal that also includes his brother and former MLB catcher Martin Maldonado. 

• It’s gonna be pretty hard to fight this one. Diaz was quoted in 2018 saying: "My rooster went down dead and got up to fight, doing what my roosters know how to do: finish fights. He did what I do when I come in to pitch in the ninth: to close out the game."

🇨🇳 We got the full story of how Wemby trained with Chinese monks in the offseason. These monks had a 7’4 " French dude dribbling a basketball up a mountain for 4.5 hours to prepare for the season. This legitimately sounds like the plot ofBatman Begins.

Alright, that’s enough for one Friday.

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