🔥 Zuck’s UFC bid

Welcome back to our weekly pick 'em game. We’re putting five $50 gift cards up for grabs for anyone who can correctly pick the winners of five NFL games.

Share this link to your group chat, ex-girlfriend, dentist... whoever you want. 

⚾️ We’re getting treated to an all-time World Series. We’ve got Shohei Ohtani getting on base 9 times in a single game, pinch hit grand slams, and the second longest World Series game of all time. That game lasted so long, players were crushing steaks in the dugout to stay energized (not sure that’s the best choice) and the umpires almost ran out of baseballs.  

• In the first at bat of the series, we saw a guy who made $57,000 this year strike out a $700 million player. For good measure, that same guy broke the rookie World Series strikeout record in Game Five. Is that good?
  

• The Jays are one win away from their first World Series in over three decades. Game Six is tonight in Toronto, but good luck grabbing tickets: It’s set to be the most expensive sporting event in Canadian history. 

🏀 Victor Wembanyama is making the NBA look like a YMCA pick up game. The 7 '5' Frenchman is blocking grown men without leaving his feet and pulling half court threes like they’re free throws. That offseason Chinese monk training seems to have worked wonders. 

• If you need to put into perspective just how giant this dude is, look at him crouched next to the ref the other night. 

🏎️ Red Bull driver Liam Lawson nearly ran over an F1 marshall. I’m really not sure how this happens in the middle of a race with cars flying around at 320 km/h. Good thing Lawson is paid millions of dollars for his reflexes behind the wheel — this could have ended a lot worse. 

🟣 LSU is paying Brian Kelly $53 million to stop coaching their team. We could talk about his terrible record in Baton Rouge, or the embarrassing recruit videos, but there’s one story that sums up how truly lame Brian Kelly is. 

NFL coaches Matt LaFleur and Robert Saleh used to be Kelly’s assistants at Central Michigan University. One night, they were told to come to Kelly’s house for a Christmas party. When they arrived, their boss forced them to shovel snow and park the guests' cars for the entire night.

Now, LeFleur is running one of the best teams in the NFL and LSU is paying tens of millions of dollars to get Brian Kelly as far away from their football team as possible. Funny how these things work out. 

🤼 Mark Zuckerberg somehow took down UFC champion Alex Pereira. We know Zuck’s been hitting the jiu-jitsu gym as part of his “I swear I’m cool” PR campaign, but there’s just zero chance this fight wasn’t fixed. Go get your bag Pereira, no judgement here. 

🏈 The Buccaneers had one of the most demeaning pick six’s you’ll ever see. Standing on his own 10 yard line, Saints QB Spencer Rattler threw a cookie right into the hands of a Bucs lineman, who  — for good measure — trucked Rattler on his way into the end zone. 

• Rattler was benched for rookie backup Tyler Shough not long after this play. Kind of impossible to mentally recover from that level of embarrassment. 

🖊️ Jaylen Brown’s Sharpied-on hairline got wiped off mid game. Trigger warning for any of our bald readers. One-on-one with Knicks OG Anunoby, the Celtics star appeared to accidentally wipe black hair paint onto OG’s jersey while trying to get a shot off. 

• I’m still looking for a sportsbook that will make me a market for Jaylen Brown over 0.5 trips to Turkey in the offseason. 

🤕 The Vikings left Carson Wentz to die on the field. Even with their starter JJ McCarthy cleared to play, the Vikings sent out Wentz with a shoulder that, from the sounds of it, was hanging onto the rest of his body by a thread. 

The tally of injuries is so bad, he’s now getting season-ending surgery. To make matters worse, the Vikings are reportedly calling the Giants about Russell Wilson to replace him. Good news? They’ve also checked in on Jameis Winston.

• NFL spread picks for every Week 9 game.

• Look: Vita Vea’s pre-game Baker Mayfield shirt belongs in the Hall of Fame.

• Why the Dallas Stars and Mavericks are suing each other.

• Watch: Giannis walks across half of the court without getting called for travelling.

• Toronto lore: Drake rocked a Rob Ford letterman jacket to the Jays game.

Shoutout to @BigRevel333 for hitting this 4-leg, all over/under NBA parlay. They must’ve been sweating out that Lakers-Grizzlies game late on Wednesday night. Always nice landing on the right side of a close call.    

Alright, that’s enough yelling for one Friday.

Got a hotter take? Think we missed something? Want to argue that the Leafs are actually cursed by a 1932 ghost?

Reply to this email, ideally with the subject line “listen here you clown.”

And if this newsletter hits harder than Aaron Donald after a fresh smelling salt, do us a favour:

Forward it to a friend who lives for the group chat debate.